“Love is not something you want to feel,
it is something you feel
without wanting... ”
Rumi 💚
Tuesday, February 26, 2019
Saturday, February 16, 2019
School Made Him Square And Brown Inside
He always wanted to explain things, but no-one cared.
So he drew.
Sometimes he would just draw and it wasn’t anything.
He wanted to carve it in stone or write it in the sky.
He would lie out on the grass and look up in the sky and it would only
be the sky and the things inside him that needed saying.
And it was after that that he drew the picture.
It was a beautiful picture. He kept it under his pillow and would let no-one see it.
And he would look at it every night and think about it.
And when it was dark and his eyes were closed he could see it still.
And it was all of him and he loved it.
When he started school he brought it with him.
Not to show anyone, but just to have it with him like a friend.
It was funny about school.
He sat in a square brown desk like all the other square brown desks
and he thought it would be red.
And his room was a square brown room, like all the other rooms.
And it was tight and close. And stiff.
He hated to hold the pencil and chalk, with his arm stiff and his feet
flat on the floor, stiff, with the teacher watching and watching.
The teacher came and spoke to him.
She told him to wear a tie like all the other boys.
He said he didn’t like them and she said it didn’t matter.
After that they drew. And he drew all yellow and it was the way he felt about
morning. And it was beautiful.
The teacher came and smiled at him. What’s this? She said.
“Why don’t you draw something like Ken’s drawing?
Isn’t it beautiful?”
After that his mother bought him a tie and he always drew airplanes
and rocket ships like everyone else.
And he threw the old picture away.
And when he lay out alone looking at the sky, it was big and blue;
and all of everything, but he wasn’t anymore.
He was square and brown inside and his hands were stiff.
And he was like everyone else. All the things inside him that needed
saying didn’t need it anymore.
He had stopped pushing. He was crushed.
Stiff.
Like everything else.
Author: Written by an English schoolboy
So he drew.
Sometimes he would just draw and it wasn’t anything.
He wanted to carve it in stone or write it in the sky.
He would lie out on the grass and look up in the sky and it would only
be the sky and the things inside him that needed saying.
And it was after that that he drew the picture.
It was a beautiful picture. He kept it under his pillow and would let no-one see it.
And he would look at it every night and think about it.
And when it was dark and his eyes were closed he could see it still.
And it was all of him and he loved it.
When he started school he brought it with him.
Not to show anyone, but just to have it with him like a friend.
It was funny about school.
He sat in a square brown desk like all the other square brown desks
and he thought it would be red.
And his room was a square brown room, like all the other rooms.
And it was tight and close. And stiff.
He hated to hold the pencil and chalk, with his arm stiff and his feet
flat on the floor, stiff, with the teacher watching and watching.
The teacher came and spoke to him.
She told him to wear a tie like all the other boys.
He said he didn’t like them and she said it didn’t matter.
After that they drew. And he drew all yellow and it was the way he felt about
morning. And it was beautiful.
The teacher came and smiled at him. What’s this? She said.
“Why don’t you draw something like Ken’s drawing?
Isn’t it beautiful?”
After that his mother bought him a tie and he always drew airplanes
and rocket ships like everyone else.
And he threw the old picture away.
And when he lay out alone looking at the sky, it was big and blue;
and all of everything, but he wasn’t anymore.
He was square and brown inside and his hands were stiff.
And he was like everyone else. All the things inside him that needed
saying didn’t need it anymore.
He had stopped pushing. He was crushed.
Stiff.
Like everything else.
Author: Written by an English schoolboy
Wednesday, February 13, 2019
The Sea In You
'When I lie next to you under the moon,
I do not know who I have become unless
I move closer to you, obeying the give and take...
of the earth as it breathes the slender length
of your body, so that in breathing with the tide
that breathes in you, and moving with you
as you come and go, and following you, half in light
and half in dark, I feel the first firm edge of my floating palm
touch and then trace the pale light of your shoulder
to the faint, moon-lit shadow of your smooth cheek,
and drawing my finger through the pearl water of your skin,
I sense the breath on your lips touch and then warm
the finest, furthest, most unknown edge of my sense of self,
so that I come to you under the moon
as if I had swum under the deepest arch of the ocean,
to find you living where no one could possibly live,
and to feel you breathing, where no one could
possibly breathe, and I touch your skin as I would
touch a pale whispering spirit of the tides that my arms
try to hold with the wrong kind of strength and my lips
try to speak with the wrong kind of love and I follow
you through the ocean night listening for your breath
in my helpless calling to love you as I should, and I lie
next to you in your sleep as I would next to the sea,
overwhelmed by the rest that arrives in me and by the weight
that is taken from me and what, by morning,
is left on the shore of my waking joy"
of the earth as it breathes the slender length
of your body, so that in breathing with the tide
that breathes in you, and moving with you
as you come and go, and following you, half in light
and half in dark, I feel the first firm edge of my floating palm
touch and then trace the pale light of your shoulder
to the faint, moon-lit shadow of your smooth cheek,
and drawing my finger through the pearl water of your skin,
I sense the breath on your lips touch and then warm
the finest, furthest, most unknown edge of my sense of self,
so that I come to you under the moon
as if I had swum under the deepest arch of the ocean,
to find you living where no one could possibly live,
and to feel you breathing, where no one could
possibly breathe, and I touch your skin as I would
touch a pale whispering spirit of the tides that my arms
try to hold with the wrong kind of strength and my lips
try to speak with the wrong kind of love and I follow
you through the ocean night listening for your breath
in my helpless calling to love you as I should, and I lie
next to you in your sleep as I would next to the sea,
overwhelmed by the rest that arrives in me and by the weight
that is taken from me and what, by morning,
is left on the shore of my waking joy"
by David Whyte
Title poem from
‘THE SEA IN YOU
Many Rivers Press
Friday, February 08, 2019
Thursday, February 07, 2019
Wednesday, February 06, 2019
Almost Famous
“the only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you’re uncool”
Brene Brown
“Daring Greatly”
Page 171
Brene Brown
“Daring Greatly”
Page 171
Monday, February 04, 2019
Amongst Evil Who Lied Dearest Mother
FAREWELL LETTER
by David Whyte
"She wrote me a letter
after her death
and I remember
a kind of happy light
falling on the envelope
as I sat by the rose tree
on her old bench
at the back door,
so surprised
by its arrival
wondering what
she would say,
looking up before
I could open it
and laughing to myself
in silent expectation.
Dear son,
it is time
for me
to leave you.
I am afraid
that the words
you are used
to hearing
are no longer
mine to give,
they are gone
and mingled
back in the world
where it is no longer
in my power
to be their first
original author
not their last
loving bearer.
You can hear
motherly
words of affection now
only from your own mouth
and only
when you speak them
to those
who stand
motherless
before you.
As for me
I must forsake
adulthood
and be bound gladly
to a new childhood.
You must understand
this apprenticeship
demands of me
an elemental innocence
from everything
I ever held in my hands.
I know your generous soul
is well able to let me go
you will in the end
be happy to know
my God was true
and I find myself
after loving you all so long,
in the wide,
infinite mercy
of being mothered myself.
P.S. All your intuitions were true.
FAREWELL LETTER
David Whyte
by David Whyte
"She wrote me a letter
after her death
and I remember
a kind of happy light
falling on the envelope
as I sat by the rose tree
on her old bench
at the back door,
so surprised
by its arrival
wondering what
she would say,
looking up before
I could open it
and laughing to myself
in silent expectation.
Dear son,
it is time
for me
to leave you.
I am afraid
that the words
you are used
to hearing
are no longer
mine to give,
they are gone
and mingled
back in the world
where it is no longer
in my power
to be their first
original author
not their last
loving bearer.
You can hear
motherly
words of affection now
only from your own mouth
and only
when you speak them
to those
who stand
motherless
before you.
As for me
I must forsake
adulthood
and be bound gladly
to a new childhood.
You must understand
this apprenticeship
demands of me
an elemental innocence
from everything
I ever held in my hands.
I know your generous soul
is well able to let me go
you will in the end
be happy to know
my God was true
and I find myself
after loving you all so long,
in the wide,
infinite mercy
of being mothered myself.
P.S. All your intuitions were true.
FAREWELL LETTER
by David Whyte
in River Flow
New & Selected Poems
Many Rivers Press © David Whyte
"It is the anniversary my mother's passing. A mother remains a mother even after they have passed away, and in many ways the conversation between mother and son, mother and daughter, mother and child, if we allow it, can deepen, intensify and lead to new forms of love, long after their going.
in River Flow
New & Selected Poems
Many Rivers Press © David Whyte
"It is the anniversary my mother's passing. A mother remains a mother even after they have passed away, and in many ways the conversation between mother and son, mother and daughter, mother and child, if we allow it, can deepen, intensify and lead to new forms of love, long after their going.
My mother had lost her own mother at just thirteen years old, and I had the strongest intuition just after she had passed, that she was returning to a childhood that had ended far too soon in the Ireland of her youth.
To acknowledge a mother, but also to let her go into her own personhood, independent of that the fact that she brought us into this world, may be one of the more difficult steps in the deepening maturity of that still indissoluble bond."
David Whyte
" My Brother, he run, My Father, he knows,
My Self, I Grow and choose to follow"
APM 100879
Friday, February 01, 2019
Parents and Poly Vagal Power
As parents, our responsibility is to help children process through their experiences.
This is not an easy task.
It is easy to feel triggered by children’s big emotions, whether it be fear, anger, or sadness; especially when the expression of these feelings comes out as disruptive behaviors.
Polyvagal theory empowers parents to navigate your child’s intense emotional states.
Children may become defiant, refuse to go to sleep, start lying, or become aggressive with siblings or parents. As parents it is common to attempt to apply consequences or punish our children.
However, this can devolve into a struggle of will, where parents don’t want to be the first to give in.
While limit setting is necessary to keep our children and ourselves safe, it is essential that we help our children unwind their emotional dysregulation in the safety of a caring relationship.
Polyvagal Theory provides a neurobiological framework for understanding the connection between the mind, body, and emotions. Empowered with deeper understanding, we increase our capacity to compassionately and successfully support children’s emotional regulation.
Children often have difficulty communicating their feelings verbally; as a result they frequently express emotional distress behaviorally.
Some children tend to hold big feelings inside.
Some of these children withdraw and avoid interacting with others.
Other children are more explosive in nature.
These children might have angry outbursts, throwing dramatic tantrums. Sometimes children are aggressive towards other family members and others might hurt themselves by pulling out hair or picking at skin.
As parents all of these behaviors can be disturbing to see in children.
Yet these behaviors are also strategies that children use to regulate their mind, body, and emotions.
Research by Dr. Stephen Porges reveals that the functions of the autonomic nervous system are regulated by the vagus nerve in the body.
The vagus nerve connects the brain to major systems in the body including the stomach and gut, heart, lungs, throat, and facial muscles.
Polyvagal theory posits that there are three branches of the vagus nerve; one responsible for sympathetic actions, one response for parasympathetic actions, and the third which mediates and regulates the actions of both called the social nervous system.
Let’s look at these in greater detail:
#ssy
This is not an easy task.
It is easy to feel triggered by children’s big emotions, whether it be fear, anger, or sadness; especially when the expression of these feelings comes out as disruptive behaviors.
Polyvagal theory empowers parents to navigate your child’s intense emotional states.
Children may become defiant, refuse to go to sleep, start lying, or become aggressive with siblings or parents. As parents it is common to attempt to apply consequences or punish our children.
However, this can devolve into a struggle of will, where parents don’t want to be the first to give in.
While limit setting is necessary to keep our children and ourselves safe, it is essential that we help our children unwind their emotional dysregulation in the safety of a caring relationship.
Polyvagal Theory provides a neurobiological framework for understanding the connection between the mind, body, and emotions. Empowered with deeper understanding, we increase our capacity to compassionately and successfully support children’s emotional regulation.
Children often have difficulty communicating their feelings verbally; as a result they frequently express emotional distress behaviorally.
Some children tend to hold big feelings inside.
Some of these children withdraw and avoid interacting with others.
Other children are more explosive in nature.
These children might have angry outbursts, throwing dramatic tantrums. Sometimes children are aggressive towards other family members and others might hurt themselves by pulling out hair or picking at skin.
As parents all of these behaviors can be disturbing to see in children.
Yet these behaviors are also strategies that children use to regulate their mind, body, and emotions.
Research by Dr. Stephen Porges reveals that the functions of the autonomic nervous system are regulated by the vagus nerve in the body.
The vagus nerve connects the brain to major systems in the body including the stomach and gut, heart, lungs, throat, and facial muscles.
Polyvagal theory posits that there are three branches of the vagus nerve; one responsible for sympathetic actions, one response for parasympathetic actions, and the third which mediates and regulates the actions of both called the social nervous system.
Let’s look at these in greater detail:
- The social nervous system is associated with connection, calmness, safety, and a focus on the present moment. This portion of the vagus nerve enervates the face and is seen in our kids through sparkle in their eyes, a smile on their faces, and confidence in their ability to approach the world. The social nervous system is strengthened by relationships and helps kids successfully navigate their sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.
- The sympathetic nervous system is associated with high arousal and mobilization towards movement. In children, you can recognize sympathetic activation when kids are excited, silly, keyed up, wiggly or squirmy, surprised, angry, anxious, or have difficulty sleeping. When feeling unsafe or threatened, this manifests as a fight or flight response. However when supported by the social nervous system, this activation can mobilize towards play.
- The parasympathetic nervous system is associated with low arousal, relaxation, withdrawal or depression. When children feel threatened they may withdraw, appear helpless, and say they are tired, bored, or sad. However when supported by the social nervous system children feel safe to relax into a hug, snuggle with a pet, or linger in quiet satisfying activities such as reading or drawing.
#ssy
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